BiCon: I’ve been here before

For the first time, I drive to BiCon, with the aid of satellite navigation.  I can only assume that the satellite is in the wrong place, after attempting to leave the planet via a roundabout that doesn’t exist and deciding that it’s reached its destination in orbit around Venus.  Nonetheless, we eventually arrive and unpack.  It’s difficult living with a pessimist: Anne thinks I’m an idiot for forgetting a boot, whereas I think I’m a genius for remembering the other one.

Still, we finally make it to the bar and I can catch up with people and remind them why they were running away.  I understand that it’s BiCon’s birthday, not really surprising in an annual event that’s held at the same time every year, but I manage to raise a glass and pretend that the card was lost in the post.

Despite being scheduled first thing in the morning at 12:30pm, the plenary seems to attract a lot of delegates, desperate to hear of changes to workshops that they never had any intention of going to.  The lack of any such changes means that the bisexuals have to stick to their original plan, a situation that causes nearly unendurable anguish and despair until they realise that as they didn’t intend to do this, their plan has indeed changed.

My first workshop is about sexuality in ancient Greece and Rome.  There seem to be two types of people in the audience, those who know nothing about the subject and those who admit to it.  It becomes clear that although a lot of Greeks and Romans behaved bisexually, they never defined as such and in fact had no understanding of the concept.  Nowadays they work as journalists.

I then attend “Remembering Kay Dekker”, which is interrupted by a fire alarm, which I presume was set off by Kay’s spirit to get us all to shut up.  It’s a false alarm – a lot of noise, but nothing happening.  I can’t quite put my finger on why this seems apt for BiCon

In the evening, the best thing that’s ever happened to me at BiCon: BCN editor Jen presents me with my very own long-arm stapler, meaning that I no longer have to spend all morning putting staples in my zines by hand, and only within hours of my doing exactly that.

A quick visit to Leicester Pride, as I firmly believe that bisexuals should be out, proud, and only there for twenty minutes because there’s something more interesting happening down the road.  This took the form of another workshop, this time the over-40s sit-down, a safe space for those of us that watched Doctor Who the first time round.  We all reminisced about the old days, when BiCon was exactly the bloody same.  Given the state of this year’s accommodation, I guess that walk-in baths at future venues is unlikely.

The evening takes the form of a thirties’ party, something of a relief as this is a time that I actually don’t remember.  I dressed up as a time-traveller from the twenty-first century, a look that used to be ahead of its time, but everyone’s doing it now.

And so, after only an hour’s driving in circles around the city centre, which my sat-nav informs me is the way home, I take my leave of BiCon once again.  It’s always sad leaving BiCon – you never know what will have changed next year.  Even the people will be different.  Apart from me.

Neil writes a zine called Bike Immunity News.  Apparently that’s a pun based on the name of another publication, but we can’t think what one. Email [email protected] to find out how to get your paws on a copy.