Five Things Not To Say to a Bisexual

Charlotte explores five things you should never say to a bisexual person.

“Are you sure you’re bisexual, I think you’re confused” … yeah. I’m sure this isn’t the first time we’ve heard that bisexuals are confused or are in a transition stage of their gay life. For some reason, bisexuality throughout the years has been a victim of major stereotyping. It seems to be that anyone who identifies as bisexual has to act or be a certain way. If not, are you really bisexual?

The main issue with all these myths floating around is that we forget that there is a human being behind the label. We forget that there are emotions attached and these myths can cause a lot of damage to someone’s self-love. Also, they’re super annoying. If I got a pound every time someone said that bisexuals are greedy, I’d be a millionaire by now. Sadly, I can’t charge people for being morons. So, instead, I thought I’d bore you with 5 things you should never say to someone who identifies as bisexual.

Are you sure you’re bi? I think you may be in a phase.

Seriously?
I understand that some LGBTQ+ individuals use bisexuality as a “coming out phase”. For some reason, it seems to be easier for them to come out as bi than gay or lesbian. To a degree, I understand as it gives family & friends “hope” that you could still be with someone of the opposite sex. However, it means for us legit bisexuals that our sexuality is under constant review.
I came out as bisexual 3 years ago and still to this day I identify as bisexual. Does this mean that I’m in a very long phase & one day I’ll come out lesbian? Or even better, do I get to convert back to being straight? Although I’m waiting patiently for this massive surprise, sadly I don’t think it’s going to happen.

Oh, you’re bisexual… Does that mean we can have a threesome?

Ahhh nope
Bisexuals don’t just fancy men or just fancy women. So to some, this means that they’re open to sex… with everyone? It could be the case, an individual may enjoy these types of relationships. But notice how I said individual? Yeah, weirdly, sexual preference is a personal thing, so not all bisexuals will enjoy this.

Painting all bisexuals with the same stereotype is so 2002 (hell, it goes back a lot further). Instead, we need to educate ourselves that sexual preferences are down to an individual. A label is just a few letters jumbled together to give us a sense of identity, so bisexuality is used to give a sense of belonging. I think where the confusion lies is that just because bisexuality opens us up to people of different genders, it doesn’t mean we want to sleep with them all.

Wow, you’re so greedy. Just pick one!

So, it’s news to me but apparently, sexuality isn’t up to us. Instead, strangers decide on how your sexuality should be. When it comes down to bisexuality, we don’t get to express our emotions without some sort of judgement. I guess this confusion is why some think that bisexuals are just being greedy and can’t commit to a sexuality or gender. Which isn’t the case, there is a middle ground and it’s called bisexuality.
We aren’t being greedy or sitting on the fence because bisexuality is a valid identity. My personal opinion, love is love. Who is anyone to tell us we are being greedy when we are trying to find love? Regardless of your soul mate’s gender, you’re not being greedy but following your heart.

I could never be in a relationship with a bisexual.

I can understand the apprehension whilst with someone who identifies as bisexual. As there is more “competition” and you may have to worry about rivals of other genders. However, if you are both in love a sexuality label isn’t going to determine if someone is going to be faithful. What will determine if they’re a cheater is their values, beliefs and love towards you.
By limiting who you date due to their sexuality, you may miss the one. Bisexuals are creative, amazing and loving people. Don’t judge someone on how they choose to identify, judge them on how they act.

Bisexuality. Does. Not. Exist.

Ummmmm
Bisexuality is a myth and doesn’t exist. So if you thought you were bisexual, ding dong you’re wrong. I mean come on, really? Do we really have to fight our corner and prove that bisexuality is valid? No one ever has to explain being straight & fight for the validation that it’s real. Bisexuality is a valid sexuality label that millions of us identify within.

So…

As I’ve shown, bisexuality has been judged and discriminated against for years, due to who we are in a relationship with. Sadly, my personal opinion on how bisexuals are viewed is due to individuals attitude towards women. Bisexuality is prominently seen as a female sexuality label & that “all woman can be a bit bisexual”. However, this has given the impression to some that all bisexual women are just experimenting or just want a bit of fun.
As a bisexual woman, I have had my sexuality questioned due to my relationship status with my girlfriend. On a night out trying to justify that yes although I’m with a woman, I am still bisexual… it’s not great fun. But I understand that on the opposite spectrum, guys experience similar judgement if they identify as bisexual as it’s considered males can’t be bisexual. They’re just gay.

How do we end these stereotypes around bisexuality?

I wish I could end it today, but to end these harmful and annoying stereotypes we have to educate future generations that sexuality is fluid. We can be attracted to different genders, but it won’t diminish our sexuality whoever we are with. But here are just a few things you can do to help us achieve a more open and loving world towards bisexuality.
Educate the future generation – Our hope in creating a better world lies within the youth of today. By educating and opening their eyes to the world of bisexuality, it will only bring positive attitudes towards being bisexual.
Challenge people to forget everything they ‘know’ about bisexuality – The stereotypes we have are at best outdated and don’t provide a true representation of those who identify as bisexual. So use social media, Google, papers and all the resources out there to learn who identifies as bisexual and see the diversity within the community.
Embrace the difference – We are human beings, none of us are the same. By embracing that we are all unique in our own amazing ways, you will understand that these stereotypes are not only stupid but completely wrong.

Many of us are all working towards a better and diverse world to live in. So, let’s start today and open our hearts and eyes to the concept of bisexuality. If you think you’re bisexual then please don’t listen to any of these myths. You don’t have to be any of these things, you may be completely different to another bisexual. But it won’t change how bisexual you are, we are all valid.

Charlotte Summers is an LGBTQ+ activist who runs a blog called Unite UK, which aims to break stereotypes, push boundaries and help people to accept their gender, sexuality and identity. Read more at www.uniteuk1.com