BiMate: Lisa Lovely

This originally appeared in BCN issue 60.

Lisa, introduce yourself in no more than 100 words!
Joined Brighton Bi Group in 1984 and came out. Attended 3rd British Bicon in London in 1985 and has attended every British Bicon since, and quite a few International ones. Provided phone contact from home for Bi women from 1986 before Bi phoneline started and worked with original phoneline group until 1993 when parenthood with full-time work made it too difficult to carry on. Currently more active in poly issues as realises that nonmonogomy has always been as important a part of identity as bisexuality.

Which Olympic sport (current or wished for) could you represent your country in?
Downhill moaning (a Spitting image joke). Actually I’d probably be better at arguing. I’m very competitive but I’m not sure I excel to Olympic standard in anything. I am rather good at Flirting when I’m in the mood.

What’s the best collective noun for bisexuals?
A confusion: Claire Thompson noticed this is a common feeling for bisexuals. When I worked on the bi phoneline I noticed a high percentage of callers named that feeling too.

What’s your favourite film?
I find it hard to pick favourites of anything (another common feeling for bisexuals) but I think my favourit bi film is French Twist. I laughed an awful lot and it rang a few bells.

When did you know you were bisexual?
I spent my first summer at university trying to decide whether or not to phone the Lesbian line after having had my first lesbian relationship the previous year. Then I started going out with a new boyfriend and decided I wasn’t going to give up relationships with men. Shortly afterwards, I came across poster advertising Brighton Bisexual Group…

What’s your favourite sexual memory?
Hard to pick a fave, I’ve recently been remembering two fun sexual memories that happened at Manchester BiCon.

What’s your favourite thing about being bi?
I like being part of a group of people who are very different to each other, but who share a common understanding that bi identity and behaviour are a reality for them and many others.

What’s your favourite sex accessory?
Liquid Silk (the nicest lubricant; feels nice, smells ok and can be found in individual sachets. Looks a bit like come in a nice way!)

Who do you respect most in the world?
For her honesty (about having had her son adopted) and her work – Claire Short. In the Bi world it’s Robyn Ochs. She’s a lovely person, she has made a great committed relationship and she’s done all that work for the community including the international guide.

What/who has inspired you the most?
The peace movement. I was active from 1981 when I was 16. Visiting Greenham Common was an amazing experience which I often reflect on. I did all sorts of things which made a lot of sense at the time and make me the person I am now.

Which historical person would you most like to meet?
Oscar Wilde

What makes you smile?
Observing my baby daughter learning to talk, walk and play.

What is your most unlikely-to-be-fulfilled sexual fantasy?
I remember admitting it at a London Bi Group discussion on sexual fantasies. Lots of people said they had similar fantasies. But I don’t think I want it in print.


should people try?
Spending time playing with children. One of my bi friends told me she couldn’t bear them, but she let my son ride on her back and was better at playing with him than most people.

What are you most proud/ashamed of?
Leading organising 1991 London bicon, biggest ever UK bicon (possibly only Manchester was bigger) – forgetting to thank Russell for doing the finances in ‘thanks’ speech as I put him in the wrong place in the list.

What about your life would most surprise your 16 year old self?
I have found a primary partner who I can engage in group sex with, and who accepts me having sexual experiences with other people when he’s not involved.